no, but i'm here

A woman came to the door of the church today and rang the doorbell. When I answered the door, she asked if there were any pastors available. I sort of smiled knowing our senior pastor was headed out of town, the youth guy was away doing an internship miles from there and even our small group coordinator was leaving on a trip. So, that kind of leaves me...but I'm not really a pastor. So, I said, "Well, no we don't have a pastor here right now, but I'm here. Can I help you with something?"

For that moment I longed to be able to say, "Well, I'm one." But, I can't. And, there is so much tied up in that little word. So much theology. So many stereotypes. So many opinions and ideas. So much so that I often choose to dismiss its importance. Usually I don't much care what they call me, just let me keep doing what I love...until that moment that it mattered. In that moment my response seemed to be missing the same credibility that would be lacking if they asked for a doctor on a plane, and a someone else stood up and said, "No, but I'm here."

And, honestly, I still don't much care...until another moment comes and a woman stands in front of me and says "Are there any pastors available?" And, I have to say, "No, but I'm here..."

lending strength

On my counter sits a sparkly, red travel mug. It's been sitting there for a couple of weeks now. Every time I do dishes with all my might I try to get the lid off of it so that I can scour it and put it away. But every time my strength fails me. I was thinking about how awkward it would be if I called upstairs and said, "Hey Angela! Is Trevor home? Can I talk to him, please?" I imagine that after a hesitant "Ok?" Trevor would come to the phone at which time I would say, "Hey Trevor, I need to get this lid off of this cup. Do you think you could come help me?"

Every now and then I am reminded of how we are made to be in community. Not one of us has all the strengths needed to successfully navigate through this life. Though in this culture independence is highly valued, I've come to believe that interdependence is of much greater worth. So, I suppose I should have no problem calling Trevor to ask him to lend his strength. But, for some reason, I will probably leave the cup there for a couple more weeks. Maybe it will loosen up over time... (she laughs).

my dainty, little feet

Brown, leather wingtips. Six pairs of them. And, my dainty, little feet complete with totally toffee colored toenails and strappy black sandals. Though clearly the smallest in size, my feet were quite conspicuous amidst the others. We stood in a circle, held hands and prayed. Then the six of us entered into the sanctuary to lead the morning’s worship.

I’ve come to appreciate my femininity. I’m certain that God made me a woman because it brings Him more glory than if I were a man. I am delighted to be created in His image. I am thrilled that He wants to use me to build His kingdom. I am thankful that He forgives my sins, hears my prayers, and gifts me for His service. I am praising Him that my gender is a gift from Him and that it wasn’t a surprise that I was a woman, but it was a part of His perfect plan. No, it wasn’t a surprise that I would think like a woman, act like a woman, or communicate like a woman. No, it wasn’t a surprise that I would have dainty little feet, adorn my toenails with totally toffee polish, or wear strappy black sandals. That’s exactly what He intended.

am i a creampuff?

So I read tonight about the pastry chef who made his beautiful bride a wedding dress made of 1500 cream puffs that weighed twenty pounds.

Some things are better suited for one purpose over another.

I was talking to a co-worker today. She was talking about how some materials dictate how they are used. She has a hard time with the biblical analogy of the potter and the clay. As an artist she has used different materials to express herself, and sometimes their makeup has an influence on the finished piece. I have been contemplating this. Surely the substance of me has an impact on what I become.

For instance, I’ll never be a bouncer. And, I think a Navy Seal is also out of the question. Perhaps, as a woman, this also impacts what areas of ministry are open to me. However, the difference between a bouncer or a Navy seal and certain areas of ministry, is that I do not desire to do the former things. From the deepest depths of me, I desire to do ministry. The pleasure of God is lived out in me when I am leading worship. Could it be that the substance of me prohibits me from this activity? Perhaps I’m a creampuff attempting to be a dress. (c: