childish tantrums...

Tears streaming down my face, clenched hands, and vocal chords screaming with every bit of force they could muster, I ran to my room. I slammed the door announcing to the whole house that I was indeed angry. After pounding on my pillow with my fists, my screaming turned to sobs, and my pillow held my little head. With the sun shining on my angry little body, I cried until the tears would no longer come. My mother knocked on the door and quietly came in. Her gentle hand softly touched my tear stained cheeks wiping away any of the tears that hadn’t yet dried. And, instead of punishing me as my tantrum so clearly deserved, she cradled my little body in her arms and told me how much she loved me.

And, somehow – though the circumstances didn’t change – it was ok with me.

Today I keep thinking of the wise words of my mentor, “and don’t you just feel like a petulant child?” It was true. The tears and frustration from the circumstances I found myself in did remind me of my tantrums as a child. Just last night I had flung myself on my bed, tears streaming down my cheeks. And then, it was as if the Lord knocked on my door and quietly came in. His gentle hand softly touched my tear stained cheeks wiping away any of the tears that hadn’t yet dried. And, instead of punishing me as my tantrum so clearly deserved, He cradled my little body in His arms and told me how much He loved me.

And, somehow – though the circumstances didn’t change – it was ok with me.

childish tantrums

Tears streaming down my face, clenched hands, and vocal chords screaming with every bit of force they could muster, I ran to my room. I slammed the door announcing to the whole house that I was indeed angry. After pounding on my pillow with my fists, my screaming turned to sobs, and my pillow held my little head. With the sun shining on my angry little body, I cried until the tears would no longer come. My mother knocked on the door and quietly came in. Her gentle hand softly touched my tear stained cheeks wiping away any of the tears that hadn’t yet dried. And, instead of punishing me as my tantrum so clearly deserved, she cradled my little body in her arms and told me how much she loved me.

And, somehow – though the circumstances didn’t change – it was ok with me.

Today I keep thinking of the wise words of my mentor, “and don’t you just feel like a petulant child?” It was true. The tears and frustration from the circumstances I found myself in did remind me of my tantrums as a child. Just last night I had flung myself on my bed, tears streaming down my cheeks. And then, it was as if the Lord knocked on my door and quietly came in. His gentle hand softly touched my tear stained cheeks wiping away any of the tears that hadn’t yet dried. And, instead of punishing me as my tantrum so clearly deserved, He cradled my little body in His arms and told me how much He loved me.

And, somehow – though the circumstances didn’t change – it was ok with me.

red spandex suit

Today I am jealous of Superman. If he needed to become a superhero he would run to the nearest phone booth. There was no confusion. Once he had on his red spandex suit, it was clear he had superpowers and was coming to the rescue.

my secret weapon

A professor of mine used to compare life to a spiral. She said that often we would find ourselves returning to the same dilemmas again and again. I think there was wisdom in her words. It seems to me that the monsters I face look very similar, but they will have a new superpower and be lacking the secret weapon that the previous one had.

I was talking to a friend this morning, and both of us commented that it is fun to watch the other grow. As we face these monsters in our lives, it is clear that we, too, have new superpowers that help us to battle the war that is before us. Today trust happened to be the secret weapon that both of us had acquired. It’s an important one. It is the one that allows you the freedom to say, “no matter what the outcome of this battle, it doesn’t impact whether or not we will be ok.” I am so convinced that God has not stepped out of the battle, so whether or not it appears to be a win or a loss, His presence makes it a win. He is big enough to bandage up my wounds. He is great enough to redeem all the losses. He loves me enough to be my Savior. And, actually, that is the only win worth counting.

sometimes...

Sometimes life is hard. Sometimes we wrestle with the forces of this dark world. Always our God is bigger.

and have not love

Tonight I am convicted. If I plan the perfect service, and have not love, it is nothing. If I impart my vision to those I am called to lead, and have not love, I have gained nothing. If my scheduling is flawless, but I have not love, all my efforts are in vain. It is so easy to get wrapped up in the details and my own desires. It is so easy to focus on my vision and the knowledge I have gained. It is so easy to be compelled to use my gifts. But, if I do all of these things without love, it is futile and my ministry will be lifeless and empty.

If I communicate perfectly speaking in such a way that everyone can understand, but do not have love, I am like monotonous tapping.

And, if I have powers to know what perfect worship looks like, and understand the mysteries of God and have all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to dry up large bodies of water, but do not have love, I am nothing.

If I give away everything I own, my retirement money and my inheritance, and if I give my life for another, but do not love, I gain nothing.

So, Father, slow me down, quiet me with your love, open my heart and my eyes to see who you have placed before me. Teach me, Lord, ever so gently, how much you love your children. And, then, motivate and equip me to serve with that very love.