Monday, February 5, 2007

the treasure emerges

While walking through the sand it was as if our feet were withholding the mystery from us. We trudged along sinking deep into the sand with every step. As we approached the shoreline, the sand became more like a carpet spread before us. After walking a while the shoreline shifted directions slightly and rocks decorated the ocean floor. The brisk breeze cooled us as the sun shown down on our backs this rare winter day. The waves washed up all sorts of pebbles and stones. Pinks, browns, and whites. Some were strange combinations displaying stripes or specks of different colors. Amidst these was the treasure we had come in search of. I picked up my first find. It was about the size of a penny and was a soft lime green. The ocean waves, wind, and rocks had beat upon it until it was smooth though the edges remained uneven. What had once been shiny was now dull. What had once been whole was now broken down. What had once been thrown away was now a treasure.

I have finally given myself permission to read through my writing from the past year. This includes my mass-emails, journal entries, and prayers. As I am sure you have heard me say before, it has been a difficult year. I found it interesting to see the reprieve I had in May and June. After moving, having my parents here, and graduating within one week, the Lord knew I needed some time. And, I found my home to be a sanctuary out in the woods of Wenham. The Lord and I communicated often, and the tranquility brought peace to my soul. Throughout much of the rest of the year, it seems I was attempting to tackle one difficult experience after another. Some of my prayers were incredibly raw. Many of my journals reveal the brokenness I was experiencing, while my emails often painted in words the circumstances I found myself in.

Glass is thrown into the ocean. The rocks beat against it breaking it down while the force of the wind and crushing of the waves whittle down the sharp edges. As the elements continue to order its path, the seaglass begins to grow in beauty.

I do not for a minute regret the circumstances of my life in the past year. There have definitely been difficult days. The many broken dreams, the many transitions, the many painful circumstances…and yet, here I stand more and more convinced that all of these things have crafted me into something more precious to the Lord. I am ever-so-slowly learning that my joy, hope, contentment, and peace are not dependant upon external circumstances.

And slowly the treasure emerges.

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